Today I was reading a blog from Malin Olofsson. I will be reading it shortly to write about some thoughts that come up, as they were coming up earlier- to get some clarity and debunk those thoughts as not real.
For reference please visit: http://networkedblogs.com/EwfDU
I realize and understand that when I have thoughts such as "Damn, she/he must think/be thinking I'm completely worthless due to my appearance," they are merely accepted and allowed forms of self-hatred and separation to deliberately disregard my responsibility for the world we/I live in, my world.
I see and realize that thoughts such as these must be fully understood and stopped within self for me/each one to change and make up a world that is livable and breathable for everyone, a world that is best for all, and for self, of course.
I see and realize that these thoughts are self-fabricated and actually not necessary to function practically and efficiently in this world. It is not necessary to abuse myself in this way- it is literally self-degrading, and self-destructive in living a happy- 'fruitful' life.
I understand that this addiction of mine to judge myself as less then others, in so many ways- is actually a cover-up to not have to take responsibility for my creation 'out there', which must be faced within myself as the one who projects this bullshit within my mind as acceptances and allowances of abuse, fear and separation- onto the 'outside world'.
I see that my mind has been showing me in quantum time how exactly I am abusing myself in each moment.
I understand that I create fear and separation, and abdicate responsibility to change myself within thoughts about others thinking I am worthless.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to actually care about/consider what others think of my appearance, when really their opinion on how I look is irrelevant, and it's me who is here judging myself about it.
I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to see that it doesn't matter what others think of me- it only matter what I think of me.
I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to forgive myself when becoming insecure and taking what others say personally and seriously- instead of seeing that I have allowed myself to react to what they said- I have become a reaction, instead of staying true to who I am here as the breath, constant, consistent, and stable- as all as one as equal. No thought can sum me up.
I see and realize that giving value to other people's opinions is actually self dishonest because I am not actually doing the math- I am just valuing what they say because they are who they are, and I fear not being like them, or liked by them, etc.
I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to see and realize that when I judge myself as ugly- I feel ugly throughout the day and blame how I feel on others and outer circumstances- projecting it onto them, in hatred/spite of myself.
I forgive myself that I haven't accepted myself within just breathing here.
I see that when I fall into self-judgement, shame, non-acceptance, feeling of inferiority, and fear- I don't have to judge myself for falling, just stop gradually and breathe through, with self-love, and self-forgiveness.
I see that the mirror-personality where I access how I should feel about myself through memories of what I looked like in the mirror is actually not real here, it's only a fabricated judgement based on fear of others, wanting to be accepted, and a complete lack of self-intimacy and self-love.
I see and realize that when I am accessing how I felt about myself earlier when I looked in the mirror, I am validating the way I felt by considering that judgement as real, here. I am taking judgements seriously over just living with myself here.
I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to stay here in this moment- physically, rather then go off into an alternate reality of the mind- judgements of others, etc. when I am really judging myself within that.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to take the illusions seriously and let them control my expression within what I believe I am and what I do.
I move myself back HERE, back to the phsical reality in each moment, not accepting and allowing myself to manipulate myself through going into the mind and abusing others and myself within judgement and fear of myself as the mind essentially- I must take responsibility here.
I am here, I breathe.
