So- recently, I had written down all the western astrology signs on a piece of paper in a clockwise pattern because I wanted to write down what was going on in my head as; 'is my family triad equally close to each other on the zodiac wheel?' As it turns out, yes- we are basically three months away from each other either direction- which I thought was weird and very suspicious, like it was a programmed event that we'd get to this point of being a family together. Anyways- after even going as far as trying to figure out 'which parent am I am closer to'- separating myself from my parents as one and equal, within astrology constucts/mindfucks- I finally stopped myself. With my starting point as one of separation towards this existence, total limitation and cowardice- I was enveloped by the desire to uncover the secrets of my existence, which is silly because what is real does not keep/have secrets, the mind does, though. It also keeps us from seeing reality, which is why we're looking for the secrets in the first place. Everything I need to know right now is laid out for me right here in the physical. The mind feeds off the physical therefore it is predictable and offers nothing new, really- just old thought patterns that enslave us. Let's get real.
Why was I following thoughts- vali-dating why everything is way it is? Why was that consuming/possessing me to the point it controlled me in any way? Obviously it's because I fear letting go of that part of myself which I've defined myself as, which astrology is extensively 'good' at.. to not have to face the real truth of myself- which is total self-responsibility for what is here as me on this earth- equal and one!!! All it takes is to be here and see it, investigate it, and understand it; realizing/discovering yourself within/as it, one and equal- which is changing oneself within the mind, as thoughts, feelings and emotions- to stop the mind and live for real, in the real physical world. We must face ourselves as the consequence of what we've accepted and allowed within us, but instead I decided to abdicate responsibility to become obsessed with astrology.
Another point is thinking a lot about how certain people- who are labeled as this sign or this animal, etc., are apparently different then others, and 'special' because they were born with 'it', they are defined as it, sometimes I desire being/having that which they have/are- becoming jealous for not having/being it, or find myself discriminating against them because they have it- or don't. It just goes to show how the mind is the ultimate form of deceptive entertainment- as it is what we pre-occupy ourselves with more than anything- and none of it's real, it's of no use. It is ultimately just continuing the abuse that has come before us, it is fear of having to face ourselves and give up that which we are addicted to- that's killing us! What a stupid fear. --I have also thought a lot about how some people (signs designated (date) by birthdates) are compatible with others, and how some are not.
I said before, these ideas are completely insane and abusive to all involved. I don't think it is correct nor ethical to create/participate within a.. game ..that categorizes people into groups/defines and predicts their entire life based on their time of birth- which essentially was created to separate ourselves within ourselves, as multiple personalities- and from ourselves as the whole- from the source which we all are, which express itself as the complete embodiment/spectrum of everything in existence. This is who we really are, who we can become, once we commit ourselves to stopping our minds.
I see now how astrology have been used/is being used to enslave and control our bodies as human beings through mind-possession- so limited within fear; fearing others we've defined as separate from ourselves.
It's clear now that I- along with many others are abusing this game to not have to face ourselves as addicted to thoughts/energy- wherein we deliberately separate ourselves from everything in existence, even what we have, but fear losing- as that which gives the mind energy- fear- separating ourselves from our very own potential as one and equal with and as everything. We're addicted to abdicating the responsibility we have to stand up from within the mind and take responsibility as it, to change 'ourselves' within it- within stopping ourselves, understanding and changing our acceptances and allowances of abuse- forgiving ourselves to then be the living proof of what it is to change, setting an example for the world to follow suit!
Another excuse I encounter is within thinking that we have no choice but to be programmed this way and must work within it/play (the system/the game), basically just dealing (with) the cards we're dealt, (haha). I also have been acting out certain positive personalities/negative personalities that I've imposed upon myself as what I believe in- as what I've become within/as astrology knowledge and information, where I also fear the negative traits that I am prone to, as what I've allowed myself to exist as/become as a dog character- mostly just being afraid of others judging me as a dog, being embarrassed and not accepted by the others animals- not proud of being a dog. LOL
And then the final clusterfuck emerges/occurs within desiring a relationship where in my mind I would believe that I must have someone who is perfectly compatible with my own signs while also fearing people who may reject me/not like me because we are not compatible by astrological standards. So, I'd be either avoiding them and disregarding their potential as equal and one with me- or gravitating towards them if I believe that they are compatible. When I don't know what they 'are' as a Leo, a Virgo, or some other sign.. I will be looking for personality clues- warming up to them to better get to know them- even asking when they were born. This is all because if they don't fit into what I believe is best for me within finding someone to be with that understands me and makes me feel good- they are not worth my time- they have no worth. This is of course the mind that is 'talking'- which forgets that all life is actually one and equal.
Fear feeds fear- and that's what I'm addicted to. The main fear I experience and see myself living is the fear of being rejected/not accepted! I fear not being with someone. I fear being alone. I fear having to face myself- I fear stopping my mind that constantly and consistently wants and craves to have a relationship with someone else, other then/not myself. I fear stopping this addiction because I believe it is who I am as a lover-y person (ovary? oh, yes that's want it is an ingrained desire to fuck and have babies.), believing that it's important to fulfill my BURNING desires within being with someone, (oh so important). I know that what I'm wanting now
I'd rather just pay attention to what's actually going on here on the physical plane, and be in sync with that flow- doing what's best for all- as who I really am, of course.
However- usually when I want something bad enough - when I've deliberately separated myself from something with emotion/feeling - I'm totally possessed by it/obsessed with it. Then I am shown that I in fact do not want it- physically, that I really don't want it! (remembers a dream about being with my old friends/my ex on a road trip- fear of loss -- required to unconditionally let go of, you don't have to hold onto what is real). Anyways, whether it's my realizations here in physical movement as writing, or when those around me that ARE what I have thought about/wanted/feared- show me that they are no better then I am and I don't need to get them to like me/be like them to be better (than myself here), for some... entrenched psychological reason. (SEX -- survival instincts (of the species). And it sounds SO tempting- but it's really not something I need to get- definitely not something I want to waste my time within thinking about it, wherein I will inevitably face the consequence of the con-sequence in my head. Blegh, no thank you, I'll stop.
I commit myself to listen to my own words here and stop thinking about being with people- having friends, falling in love/having sex/being in a relationshop, <-- haha -- caring about that which is outside of myself- when I could be working on establishing my own self-honesty in self-intimacy- agreeing with myself as all, as one, as equal- to support myself in every moment of breath here on earth. Not giving in or giving up my integrity, dignity and common sense to fall back into old ways of unnecessary self-abuse.
❂ Bang. Everyone is a universe. Everyone is equal- yet unique in the whole. we are all one. Life is the ultimate answer to all of our problems, and it's time to listen up because this is not a game- this is real talk.
Thanks for reading. ☺
❀ ᶃᶓᶇᶕᶌίᶔⱴᶚᶗᶘαίᵲᶒ℘ăᶉᵳƴ ❀
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