Thinking Outside the Box.

I was reading through one of my mini-notebooks.. which is actually sort of a novelty item- I bought it at Barnes & Noble- it was next to the cash register- THOSE kind of books- and I came across a conversation that I had been listening to between Malin Olofsson & Lilly- which I had written down. Yes, it that good. Anyways- A really beneficial thing was written down in my own words and it was like a key to open the doors out of my little cage within my mind which I used to define and entertain myself with- during the last several months, forgetting what I had heard and learned that night while listening to Desteni videos.What really got me in a state of .. well reality- was when I read the first entry I had written from Talk #2- and I quote:

"For a Moment step out of the conscious mind experience & become a collective participant of yourself & stand outside the box while experiencing it at the same time & You start Seeing. Whoa."

 Yes, quite a woah moment. Anyways- what I saw was that I can actually look at my thoughts. I don't have to identify with them, as they ARE NOT who I really am as life. "Who You are is not a Thought." But the situation most beings face is that they believe this lie- that they ARE their minds- when really this is what separates us from life- and leads to every single fear we hold, every idea that possesses us. So now I'm slowly- but surely working towards that awareness, in every moment, that I as the breathe of life can edit, delete, and stop my participation within my mind because it doesn't actually define who I am- unless I allow it to, unless I decide to believe in those thoughts, which create feelings and emotions- that seemreal, but are merely my-nd creations to validate my chains of thought in my own personal hell called the mind, and thus act on them creating a reality that really burns me out. Even now- I'm wondering if I just suck at writing- or if my participation within my mind while I write this is turning into 'verbal diahrrea'. I'm not editing, by the way, I'm just typing- without deleting.

Anyways- after a break, I see that what is holding me back from actually living this, is myself deciding NOT to breathe, but instead to go off on a tangent within my thoughts. Defining and entertaining myself once again. Which is in essence just missing out on life, and what is here. Going into my mind- I can see that all the desires and dreams, hopes and fears, hate and love, etc. are all in fact separation from actually living and practically moving myself to accomplish my goals that will lead to a comfortable life, but I incessantly waste my time just thinking about it- which has possessed me for years and is pretty fucking pathetic when I look back. It's difficult for me to face myself sometimes- as who I really am and just say "No, knock this shit off." It's so difficult because I have believed this shit to be me- I have defined and confined myself within and as it solely. That's why reading thisn tidbit from Lilly was like a breath of fresh air. Screw God, Thank LILLY!

Now, I'm just here with myself, like always, and I just sigh because I have really been fucking with myself these past few years.. and it shows. My life .. well I guess just "I" am in shambles. A mess indeed. Not a beatiful disaster.. not a hot mess.. just a wreck. & I see and realize that I'm going to have to breathe myself through this period in my life.. until things are 'better'. Breath is essential for me at this point. "The point of life is ourselves". "Nothing else matters here but who I am as breath." No hope, just do this. Hoping is wasting my breath. Hope is separartion from myself.

Talk #1:

Talk #2:

Bonus: Talk #3

The key is stopping participation within my mind- as thoughts, feelings, and emotions.. over and over.. not allowing myself top suppress myself but rather to breathe through what I have accepted and allowed myself to create as my mind, as fears- no more following my thoughts- they are USELESS.