Crocodile Tears

So I just learned what Crocodile Tears is, they are silly, and useless.
Love has never existed, and I am a Demon, apparently.

From, Audrey Hepburn. Thanks Audrey!

All day today I've been watching videos from my playlist at YouTube from DesteniProductions, learning so much information voiced by several different and amazing people from the 'dimensions'. 

Just now, I watched a video from Audrey Hepburn, who has been like an idol to me since I saw Breakfast at Tiffany's, pretty mind-blowing! 

You should definitely check out this video along with videos that accompany it and all other videos that interest you at Desteni's YT channel. 

Enjoy ! ! ! ! ! ! !

"The Kingdom of God is in me as you."

"Who are you, in your World, as your World?"

How I found out about the Equal Money System

     I was fretting over my ex-boyfriend again, thinking, thinking, thinking, "How was I going to get back with him?", "What did I do wrong?", "Was it really my fault he broke up with me?" Then another thought popped into my mind, maybe it was because of all my beliefs about astrology. Astrology had been a big part of my daily life ever since we started dating (September 12, 2008), because I had found we were both 'aries' so I became more and more interested in finding out what else we had in common, and how 'compatible' we were. As I started studying astrology intensively, I felt more and more isolated from my friends, including Taylor (my ex), because of what I learned from the Birth Charts. His Natal (birth) Chart it described him very closely to what mine described, since we were born around the same time. But there was one thing I read on his chart that made me very fearful. It said that he would enter a relationship only because he couldn't say "no", and another thing, that "degree" described, on his Birth Chart Wheel, is that he would be in a relationship but wouldn't be satisfied, so he would be unfaithful to the relationship. That's all I can recall from that experience, but it really tore me up inside, I became more and more obsessed hoping there was a solution to this 'absolute'. Months went by, and we drifted farther apart because of my constant involvement with astrology in my mind. I also started reading Chinese astrology, and because we are born in two different months we apparently weren't a suitable 'love match'. I believed everything, and incorporated these fears into my daily life.

 

I continued buying astro-books, reading horoscopes, and basically abusing myself, day-to-day, separating myself in my little mind-bubble and judging others constantly, either being extremely envious, or arrogant. In the last months of being together I would usually stay at home studying astrology while he was at work with other girls. Jealousy had taken my life over, and all I could think about was him. Inevitably, the prophecy came true because of my belief, he ended the relationship on September 30, 2010. That day I went into his work to see him, and we ended up walking outside and sat next to a spot next to a big tree and a propane tank, everything was falling apart by then and I let my emotions envelop me, bursting into tears, asking what was going on in HIS mind about the other girls, not even realizing what I had created in my own. After telling me "Maybe we should break up", I got even more emotional because I had been with him for so long, we had been through so much together. He was the closest thing to me, yet the farthest apart. I asked him to walk me home, he did. I remember myself going over to my kitchen counter in my apartment and pulling a big knife out of the silverware drawer, making a suicidal scene. He did nothing. Neither did I, I felt stupid and he eventually left after we said "I love you" to each other. Just slinging the bull'. Days went by, all I had on my mind was, "How will I get back with him?", "How can I improve?", but soon after, I was walking and saw walking from a girl's house I had been jealous of with a girl that he later started dating, whom I was also jealous of! Every single girl I was jealous of he would smile at or hang out with. I was completely left in the dust. Also, I had acne back then (like now), so I was usually by myself, not wanting to be seen by others. I was basically miserable, for months, and even after we had broken up I still had an obsession with astrology, and with him. I was constantly in my mind. (Thankfully before we broke up, I found a PBS movie about Buddhism which became a new interest to me to help me deal with this suffering.) 



"What you think and believe, you can achieve." Goddamnit.

Okay, so how I found the Equal Money System was recently (April 22, 2011) when I was on YouTube for something, anything, to help me prove astrology was wrong. I had  become obsessed again with getting back with my ex after hearing he was visiting from Washington (where we had planned on moving together).  I found a video on Equal Money by Bernard Poolman, it explained that indeed, astrology was just another fucked up system created by the mind. I discontinued my 'horror-scope' use, and have quit using astrology altogether, trying to eliminate it from my belief systems!

    Since then I have watched many more videos, and been through many more experiences, like quitting all drug use, wanting to kill myself from watching a common-sense video from Bernard, stopping abusive thoughts, learning about consumerism, learning about energy possession, Self-honesty, Self-forgiveness, learning about dreaming life, changing my behavior, learning how to breathe, facing my fears. Also I have been very edgy with my Dad lately because he saw me bawling and I had to show him a sample of what I had watched that made me feel like killing myself. He got pretty pissed off when he heard "eradicate the humans", and acted extremely demon-like, and possessive. He wasn't even listening to the video! I was very scared, feeling as if he would kill me instead. I felt like I needed to run away, but this was dumb because where would I go? My father is like my best-friend and honestly by this point my Ego had taken over making me believe that I was separate from him. I have also realized that the 'love' we've shared hasn't been very real at all, most of the time. But I have overcome these things, thankfully. Also, I used to be very 'spiritual', anything to help my acne heal. But Bernard's videos helped me see the real light, reality. 

 So, I continue on, experiencing, and changing. 

Seeing how all my experiences are just like baby-steps, each day I make new ground.

Life is a river, ever flowing, and always changing course.

We face obstacles, nourish others, free fall into the unknown, or just stay still.

Like streams of water we all flow to the same vast ocean. 

Meeting resistance and challenges with enthusiasm!

We must enjoy it all, before we 'evaporate' into the great sky.

But that must be a journey on it's own too.

Expressing yourself Here in Totality and Fullness, with heightened Alertness.

We can face any challenge, and make this Earth a place for everyone to enjoy in Peace and True love.

By treating others like we would like others to treat us.  In Equality & Oneness.

The Golden Rule of Unconditional Love, for Ourselves as well as Others, near or far.

We are One with and as all existence and non-existence.


The outer a mere reflection of the inner.

Just breathe.

Letting your worries wash away like water. Don't get emotional!

Inhaling Self-Forgiveness, Hold it, Exhaling Self-Honesty, Hold it.

No-mind involvement is necessary considering it just creates separation and makes you miserable.

 We are all one and equal whether we believe it or not.

All working, trying to help each other in the long run.

 We all are going through the same cycles, on the very same Earth.

 Our sins in the mind is only holding us back from being here as life, breath by breath, without grief, jealousy, anxiety, anger, fear, wrath, greed, laziness, lust, envy, gluttony, obsession, hatred, doubt, pride, arrogance, belief, and/or regret.

 NOW is the time for us to join together so we can really make a difference, saving ourselves, and the things we care about, deep in our hearts, before it's too late.